Blog

old city

April 17, 2013

We were recently asked if we liked living in the city where we used to live. The answer is a long one. Let's start with some pictures from our trip back there.

We connected with precious friends - amazing answers to long standing requests.

We thoroughly enjoyed reconnecting with our friends on Sunday evening!

We introduced B to some of our old friends.

And he made some new friends of his own.

We visited our friendly neighborhood water buffalo.

We enjoyed the mountains and the sunsets.

We re-visited some old traditions.

And started some new ones.

We went for a walk in our old neighborhood and talked to Dad about the people who live there, people we were hoping to talk to one day.

We enjoyed the apartment we rented for 18 months and lived in for 20 days.

Our kids especially enjoyed the bedroom that would have been theirs all last year.

We took the time to smell the flowers.

We rested a little bit.

We packed a lot! And cleaned. I actually spent a lot of time wiping mold off all the books, games, and bookshelves in J's office. The people that stayed in our house "fixed" the solar water in the kitchen sink and flooded the bookshelf. And instead of telling anyone, they put up cardboard. Frustrating! Anyways moving on..

And then we said goodbye to our city.

And we said goodbye to our friends.

And we moved away to another city. And it was only then I realized how much I liked our old city. Though rife with frustrations of both the interpersonal and material nature, our time there was good and profitable. At the time it was hard to see just how good and how profitable it really was. But that's human nature, at least my human nature, always wishing I was somewhere else or doing something else or even that I could be someone else entirely...

In the end my humanity sells me short because my human eyes fail to see what really is. Being in the now isn't about signing onto some trendy hipster slogan. It's about believing that who I am, where I am, what I am - these are not accidents. I can choose joy today because today was planned by someone whose a far better planner than me.

I miss our old city every day. I miss things I didn't even know I liked when we were living there. I miss people I didn't even know liked me. I miss food that I assumed they had all over this country. I miss how hard life was there: relational drama, sickness, exhaustion, feeling completely misunderstood at every turn, it drove us to our knees and into the arms of the only one who understands everything we go through and loves us in spite of all our immaturity. I miss that tangible dependency.

I'm thankful for all we learned while we were there, all that we were able to take away from that city. I'm especially thankful that on the days I'm tempted to wish we lived there instead of here or anywhere instead of here, I can remember that I was wrong when I thought that when we lived there. As a reminder to chose joy now because of things we can't see, we included one of the characters from the name of our old city into Benaiah's local name. It's excellent! We're pretty excited about it! More on that in another post.

taxes

April 12, 2013

Well I spoke about good health just a little too soon. S has been sick today with a fever and cough and sneezing. J leaves on a little overnight trip tomorrow so if you could please be remembering all of us, we'd appreciate it!

In the meantime, J & I have been banging our heads together trying to get this taxes thing figured out. We owe a crazy lot of money this year and couldn't seem to make heads or tails of it. Last year was frustrating too. We missed the overseas exemption by a couple weeks and the child deductions by even less which resulted in extra income taxes but nothing like this. So after checking and re-checking and adding and re-adding and wondering and looking and waiting til 11pm to make phone calls since that's 8am in Wyoming, I finally found our answer. There on the bottom of a random January statement was a random visit to a random steak and shake. My parents were getting ready to take S back home with them, having graciously stayed one day longer in St. Louis than planned. We were all tired of hospital walls and cafeteria food so we ventured out to the nearest place in the neighborhood with an allergy menu, leaving B in wonderful care of the fabulous Pediatric ICU at an amazing children's hospital. It was all I could do to force myself through that final door to the outside without my youngest baby.

The neighborhood was sketchy. The food was dry. The service, unbelievably slow. Shaddai was adorable. Her scant hair barely forming two tiny pigtails. I remember it more clearly than I remember yesterday.

My eyes blur with the memory. My hands instinctively cover my stomach. There we sat that day, no baby with us and no baby in my belly. It was beyond horrible, like my heart was trying to break in order to be in two places at once and what if it had been forever? What if he was still in the hospital? Us going about our every day lives with name tags and passcodes, planning our lives around visiting hours? What if we hadn't gotten him there in time? and now I was biding my time until I could meet him again?

A years worth of doctors' visits, tests, travel, hotels, meals on the road, copays, medications, multiple deductibles and more, totally over $10,000 US dollars (not including the $19,000 helicopter bill) and I'm happy to pay taxes on every last penny. So many pennies that were donated graciously and sacrificially to cover our unexpected expenses this year. By some twist of fate (and some pretty structured IRS laws) it all counts as income for us. Did you know that self-employed people pay taxes on the money they pay for taxes? Not to mention paying taxes on money spent on insurance (also not included in the aforementioned $10,000) and medical bills? All of that is counted as income. Bummer. Dude.

At first, I was frustrated by how seemingly unfair this appeared. But I quickly realized that what's unfair is mommies who are in debt for a lifetime over babies they will never hold. Or babies left on doorsteps because mommies can't afford their care.

This thing of owing extra money on taxes, it's not unfair. It's just math. And if there's one thing I took away from this year, it's that the One who made my son is very good at caring for us.

Amazingly enough, since starting this post, we now owe only $2,000 on taxes. We received tons of wise counsel from friends here and back home (thanks, Don!) and we are feeling better prepared for navigating taxes and putting away money for taxes for the upcoming years as medical expenses will be a normal part of our lives (hopefully not like 2012, hopefully just routine stuff from here on out). :)

We have so much to be thankful for! A son who is not only alive, but vivacious! Donors who make it possible for us to be here day in and day out! And precious friends and family who blew us away last year by their steadfast love and support!

And even though it was taxes that reminded me, I'm glad to have remembered. Remembered hearing that all the Ronald McDonald houses were full and booking that hotel across the street from the hospital and knowing He would provide. Remembered Benaiah's first snow that he didn't get to experience, pure white that covered the hospital courtyard and gathered in clumps along the sidewalk and the statue of the cardinal for whom the hospital was named. Remembered our friend, Toni, calling every evening to check on us - it was our one constant during otherwise unpredictable days. Remembered downloading a book about Benaiah's namesake in the hospital cafeteria and reading through tears exactly what my heart needed to hear. Remembered my parents being there for us, for whatever we needed. Remembered the entourage of early morning doctors and computers on wheels winding through the halls and trying to force myself to think clearly after so many sleepless nights as people said words that I'd never heard before. Remembered washing my arms up to my elbows like they do on TV medical shows just before entering the Neo-Natal ICU for the first time and thinking to myself through the haze of my own exhausted mind, "How can this be happening?" Remembered being so incredibly thankful for S's health as we watched her dance in the halls of a place normally full of sick children. Remembered the sunshine on my face and that tiny precious little mighty man in my arms as we finally left that place, altogether. It was good to remember. I needed to remember.

On a completely unrelated note: J had a great trip. I'll try to get him to blog about it. And now B and I are sick. B has the same thing S had earlier in the week. And I have a sore throat and cough, I think from staying up so late so many nights in a row to make phone calls. So hopefully tomorrow will be restful for all of us.

Healthy

April 7, 2013

Today I was remembering S when she was B's age. I LOVE this age. They're walking and climbing and running and so excited about life. They understand a lot of what's going on around them, but they are still little and snuggly and sweet and small. I was looking at B's little fat feet and remembering how skinny and sickly S was at 15 months. We were new in this country and were doing everything we could as she fought fevers, several stomach bugs, and severe allergic reactions. She wouldn't eat and we forced fluids on her constantly to keep from ending up in the local hospital with an IV. Such a scary time. And now here's my heart kid at 15 months, with fat feet and chubby legs and we couldn't be more thankful.

He's vivacious and fun and keeps us laughing just like his sister. There are many things that are difficult for me about being here but one thing I really like about being here is that in this place the days when they are healthy do not go unnoticed. Thanks for taking the time to remember our family and being thankful with us for the gift of good health.

long overdue update

April 6, 2013

Sorry for blog silence. It's taken us awhile to get settled. Overall we're doing really well and we hope to be able to update you on various things we've been thinking about soon! In the meantime we wanted to say thanks for sticking with us and checking on us. Also a belated Happy Easter to you! This is a picture of our family commuting on that day. Fun times!

the great apartment hunt

February 18, 2013

In case you were wondering, finding an apartment in our part of Southeast Asia is not so fun. We've wandered around the city (mostly on foot and each carrying a kid) and climbed hundreds of stairs thus far, in vain.

Here's how the system works (for us). We look around for apartment complexes that seem suitable and then find a real estate office near that apartment complex. We give them our criteria and they check the surrounding area for available apartments. We walk to the apartment usually crossing busy streets and climbing several flights of stairs. There's no online database that we can access and each real estate office has the only keys for apartments listed with them. We've seen a little bit of cooperation between real estate agencies but not like you'd expect in a city this size. We're learning a lot each day, about the system, the city, and ourselves. :)

We've looked at 9 apartments in 3 days as a family. And J went by himself one day and looked at about 7. This morning was our most successful but still not great. We found a wonderful apartment in a terrible neighborhood and a terrible apartment in a great neighborhood. Ah! Thankfully we have a great local friend helping us and when he's not available the local agents have been super gracious with our sub-par language skills. (I have a total mental block when it comes to the word for "square meter" but with a few hand motions, they've all caught on.)

Not gonna lie, this whole process has been a lot harder than we anticipated, made worse by the fact that apartments are 3 times as expensive here as they were in our city when we left. (I think this might be true of all living expenses. Today at lunch I ordered this yummy meat dish that always cost us $2 when we lived in Asia before. Today we got the bill and realized it was $6 for that one dish! (The total cost of a meal out for our entire family used to be about $8) We are definitely going to be looking into this more.)

Finally, committing to an apartment here means that we are truly leaving behind everything familiar for the fourth time in five years. I tear up just thinking about the goodbyes awaiting us in our old city, made worse by the fact that last time we were skyping with my parents, S asked if she could go to their house. Is there nowhere on this planet that is our own? Of course the answer is a resounding no. And that's ok. We are sojourners after all.

Thankfully, we do not sojourn alone. We are blessed with precious and dear friends.

And most importantly, the one who sent us is with us still.

back in business

February 14, 2013

It feels like we've been traveling for months, although in reality in has only been about five weeks since we left MO. We finally arrived in our destiny city late last night.

We really enjoyed the week of continued education in a nearby country with friends. The following week, we spent visiting the consulate and getting shots. We rounded out our time there with bed bug bites, a bee sting for B, and ringworm for S, so even though I was hesitant to return to our country, we were all ready to move on.

We had a little bit of trouble with our paperwork as we tried to board the plane. I was secretly hoping they wouldn't let us in. Then we could shrug our shoulders and say, "we tried." We would mumble something about it not being meant to be and return to America with our heads held high. I know that's not what I was supposed to be feeling on the eve of our grand return, but it's the truth, plain and simple.

We went through immigration seamlessly and my heart sank a little. You might hear this as a question of our calling, but it's not. You might wonder if we were really, truly lead here, and we were. It's just that laying your life down hurts. Parting with pieces of your identity is painful. Being illiterate is brutal. Being stared at constantly is miserable. Being told you're not parenting correctly while other people's children pee on the sidewalk unnoticed is the pits. It's noisy and dirty and crowded and expensive and miserable in the summer and freezing in the winter and our hotel room smells like sewage and I miss my mom. every. single. day.

J tells me that's why we're here. That His heart is for the dirty and the hurting and the hopeless and the lost.

And I know that.

And really, there's no where else I'd rather be. I just wish that here wasn't quite so stinky, literally. :)

So today we're looking for an apartment. It's super overwhelming. There are limitless options in this city of 8 million people. We'd like to stick to a particular section of the city to be near J's language school and a few other strategic resources. Please be asking that He would provide the right place for us, a place that would be a haven for our family and a center for his work. Thanks!

a valentine

February 12, 2013

worry and wonder

February 12, 2013

I wrote this on 12/26/2012, the day before Benaiah's birthday last year. I didn't post it because I didn't have any pictures to go with it and then found it today when I [finally] got on to add a new blog post. I know it's old and still has no pictures, but as I sit here sweating in southeast Asia, anticipating returning to our country tomorrow, it was good to reflect on my feelings and his faithfulness from a month ago. Thanks for grace!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't help but worry as we put B to bed the night before his test, as we got him up the next morning, and fed him breakfast. And then I remembered...

“and who of you by worrying an add a single hour to your [son’s] life? ”

So I stopped worrying, for a minute. And then they put a needle in his hand and he cried and I cried, and both J and I were flooded with memories of the day we almost lost our son. But the One who spared our son but didn't spare his own, it was Him sustained us. He that choose to give him up for us all that one day we might be freed from defects, and death, and the curse in our tainted blood that pulses through our tainted veins. And with a clean bill of health just days before Christmas and a big move on the horizon, we clung even more tightly to our own baby and his sister while celebrating the birth of the only one whose blood was never tainted. We sang a little louder and we spent a little less and we talked, a lot, to our families, to each other, to our Father. We've been busy packing boxes and making plans. There are big changes in our near future and we find ourselves humbled, overwhelmed, and even a little confused at times. It's difficult this thing that we do, but Christmas is an excellent time to reflect on the importance of something other than ourselves. And in the midst of the mayhem that is packing and cleaning and sorting and storing, we took time to teach the tiny ones entrusted to us, to admire the creche, to read the story, to connect the dots. We sang "Angels we have heard on High" a hundred times and "Away in the Manger" at least a hundred and one. We relished the wide eyed wonderment of connections made and truth internalized for the first of many times. We planted some seeds and watered a little. We applauded the unstable steps of a little mighty man making his way. I think we all feel this way most of the time. Steady as you go, beloved, one step at a time, one day at time. 6 moves in 3 years, coast to coast, and across the oceans, and some days I convince myself that life would just be perfect if I had a shower in my apartment. But I remember last years' awkwardness, the cumbersome movements of carrying life within my own body. I remember the anticipation, the intermittent pain, and the ache in my arms to hold my own son. And after two days of labour and two of the longest hours of my life, I joined the ranks of generations of women in childbirth. And I remembered that virgin giving birth in a stable. I looked at my son with the same depth of love I have for my daughter and yet so different and thought to myself, "You are Moses!" How much more must she have thought so? That virgin in the stable. This one who has finally come, coming forth from her own body, the long awaited rescuer of her country and her people and herself and the world - forever. And where as the time gone? 2000 years since the baby in the stable, and an entire year tomorrow since our own son took his first breath and 50 weeks exactly since he almost breathed his last and our lives changed forever. The smallest cold, the tiniest cough and I hold him in my arms willing him to live, begging the one who made him to let us switch places, telling him again and again I'd gladly trade my life for this baby's. Then I remember, he did that for us, and the wonder of the manger finds its true beauty in the tragic redemption of the cross. And goodbyes to grandparents and next years lonely holidays and the moving and sadness and frustration all melt into this reality,

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”

And worry gives way to wonder.

Benaiah is healthy!

December 18, 2012

Just wanted to thank you all for thinking of Benaiah's appointment. Benaiah is doing great and passed all the tests well. The doctor gave us the go-ahead to begin planning to head back overseas. We've begun packing our stuff and looking for tickets. We want to praise our Father for all of this!

a day at the pediatric cardiologist

December 11, 2012

These are pictures from the kids' appointments over the past year. They are usually a bit long and somewhat stressful beginning with a long car ride.

First the nurse weighs and measures the kids. She is so good with them!

**J takes the length measurement quite seriously. We're pretty sure B is going to be tall, but he's not taking any chances. :)**

Next is either the EKG (electrocardiogram) or Echo (Echocardiogram) depending on which technician is available first. We don't really have any pictures of the Echo since it's cold and dark in there and the kids have to lay perfectly still - not exactly an ideal time for picture taking. We do have a few EKG pictures. S loves to "help" take the "stickers" off of B. Family bonding time takes on a whole new meaning...

Next we will wait for the doctor while he looks over test results and see others patients. The waiting is usually better if you don't hit yourself in the head with a wooden giraffe, B. Sorry, kid, couldn't resist...

**Although it looks like J was the culprit in this picture, he was not. I started to take a picture of the two of them playing so sweetly and somehow captured this instead. Sorry, B.**

Since this is a university hospital, usually a resident comes in next and asks a bunch of questions. Although it makes a long morning even longer, we are very thankful for more pediatric cardiologists! Then the doctor comes in. We love him!! He is so great! He patiently answers our questions even if we've asked them before. He explains everything to us and we feel very valued and involved as B's parents and primary care-givers. We will always have a soft spot in our hearts for this physician. He is the one who first diagnosed our son's congenital heart defect. After our terrible experience at the first hospital, we will never forget the kindness and respect he showed us on one of the worst days of our lives.

And four hours later, we're on our way. And that's our day at the cardiologist. We schedule our next appointment on the way out.

And S talks for days about her heart and B's heart and this momma does her best to answer her questions and speak truth. Thanks for remembering us. :)

appointment tomorrow

December 11, 2012

Please remember our precious son as he has tests and a doctor's appointment tomorrow in Columbia, MO (an hour and a half away from here). One of the hard things is that he will not be allowed to eat or drink after 8:30am tomorrow morning. He is one un-happy camper when he is hungry, so we really appreciate your thoughts for him.

Also pray for his parents - we are nervous about the sedation... and the test...and our baby... and our future. Fortunately we know whose hands hold all those things :)

This is the first step in the process of our moving back to Asia. If everything goes well tomorrow, we will be cleared to begin completing other details related to our transition back to Asia. More details to come.

Right now we're just taking it one day at a time.

Speechless!

October 25, 2012

The Father has answered!
We are speechless! We asked our Father and He heard and answered our request through you! We recieved all the money we need with time to spare - what a huge blessing! Thank you so much for your thoughts on our behalf and for giving towards this need. We thank the Father for you!

Benaiah!
We are so blessed by this little guy. We praise the Father for him. He's growing up and doing well. His quick smile and friendly personality will be such a huge blessing to our family as we move back to Asia and begin building relationships with new local friends. We are so excited about the testimony his life will be to the friends we left there. We have already found a pediatric cardiologist in Bangkok and we hope to connect with him before moving back to our home in Asia. Please be thinking of this relationship and B's final check here in the States. Thanks!

We could not do this without you!
Thank you so much for giving to our Father for this bill. Him willing, we will be heading back overseas sometime in January of this coming year. We need to raise a little more monthly support and accomplish some other logistics, but if all goes well, we are on our way. Thanks again for meeting this need so quickly. The helicopter company received their payment yesterday. Money came from 5 states, two Canadian provinces, and two countries in Asia.

Benaiah's bills

October 16, 2012

We have been in contact with the helicopter company that life-flighted Benaiah to the children's hospital. The bill that our insurance company hasn't paid was $38,319. We filed for financial aid with them quite a few months ago and have been waiting for quite a while to hear back from them. They reviewed our financial information and the $38,319 helicopter bill has been reduced to $19,000 if we pay it by October 26th. We have already received $6,000 towards this need! What a huge blessing! So we only now need $13,000! We know many of you already give every month and many more of you have already given towards this specifically. Please know that there is no pressure of any kind. We just want to let you know how you can contribute to this need if you feel led. We just heard from the helicopter company and have been working hard this past week figuring out a way to get this bill paid off in time. All contributions will be tax deductible. Checks can be made out to GSI with a note for "Benaiah's medical bills" and mailed to:

Global Serve International
2102 SW 47th Street
Cape Coral, FL 33914-6739

If you have any questions please feel free to email us. Also if you'd like to give but are concerned that the money won't arrive before October 26th, a pledged amount would help as well. Feel free to email us about that, too.

Thank you for remembering our family as we have worked through this these past few months. Even now we still find ourselves on the phone a lot with insurance companies and doctor's offices sorting through bills and it can be very draining. Ultimately, we are so encouraged by the truth that the One who called us to Asia and created our son holds our finances in His hands.

As we've told the story of Benaiah's heart condition multiple times in the past few months, we've said things like, "The Father is so good. He spared our son." "The Creator is so Faithful. All these details were perfectly orchestrated to save Benaiah's life." While those statements are true, we've recently realized that even if our precious son had died, our Maker would still be faithful and even good. His character is unchanging regardless of our circumstances. Of course we are infinitely thankful that He did spare Benaiah's life, but this year we're learning to see the Father for who He really is rather than who we think He should be. Our understanding of Him is growing and changing as His character traits intersect vividly with our daily lives.

Thanks for remembering our family these past few months. Praise be to Him who has heard our requests and is meeting our needs.

Shaddai's heart

October 15, 2012

Shaddai's heart is in "perfect condition" according to the pediatric cardiologist. Thank you so much for remembering our precious kids!

Benaiah's heart

October 14, 2012

We are thrilled to report that Benaiah is no longer on medication! We go back in early December for more tests including a sedated echocardiogram.

life with a wok

August 12, 2012

I've been thinking a lot about simplicity especially in regards to cooking and kitchens. My kitchen here is roughly the same size as our kitchen in Asia but somehow it is significantly less efficient despite the counters here being the appropriate height.

The truth is I kinda miss having only one burner. Four is nice but I certainly don't need that many. I like my myriad of pots and pans (and by myriad I mean four: one small stock pot, one large stock pot, and 2 frying pans) but I can make everything I need to in just one wok. I've also concluded that no matter how large my oven is, I will probably always burn the last batch of granola. Convenience is nice; Obedience is better.

As I began to prepare my heart for returning to Asia in January and re-downsizing to a single burner and tiny toaster oven, I remembered I had these pictures and thought you might want to see, too.

homemade tortillas chips (they taste better than they look)

pancakes

popcorn

homemade refried beans (they also taste a lot better than they look)

homemade chicken noodle soup - this one is a little more involved starting with boiling the chicken

I was really disgusted when I realized that was the chicken's head poking out from behind a wing

and then the beak came off in my hand - yuck

My local friends in Asia are always appalled to hear that we don't eat the chicken feet in America. What can I say?

Yummy homemade noodles drying over our dining room chairs.

the finished product: delicious!

So what have we learned from this post? Convience is nice; Obedience is better. And I seriously need to work on my food-photographing-skills. :)

PS please be thinking of our little mighty man. He's getting six teeth at one time - ouch!!!

5 months on Memorial Day

May 27, 2012

Benaiah is 5 months old today.

And today is a day to remember.

To remember that gain without pain can be easily forgotten.

Today we honor those who gave their lives for our freedom.

We remember that the cost of freedom is high but the value therein is priceless.

Today we thank those who have served and are serving.

We appreciate their sacrifice and their devotion, holidays without family, nights without sleep.

Today is a day to remember.

To remember that our physical freedom is only meaningful because of the bondage from which we’ve been freed.

Today we chose to focus on that which isn’t seen, believing it is the true reality.

We receive the most when we give, we live life to the fullest when we die to self.

Today is a day to remember.

To remember that the One whose stripes healed us just might use the scars of our past to preserve our future.

We entrust him with each moment knowing that he gave it all up and laid it all down so that we could be healed and forgiven and free.

Revenge for the stroller incident!

May 20, 2012

Aunt Koni came to visit us this weekend. I just wanted a quick picture as she was headed home.

This might be my favorite picture of all time. Although something tells me, it’s only the first of many to come. :)

Happy Monday!!

The If and the How

May 12, 2012

On Monday morning I called the insurance company.

It was not the news we’d been hoping for.

In addition to owing $38,319, we also should owe $28,000 which I was told the insurance company had paid in error.

I was told I could appeal the $38,319 claim but that what would like happen is that the $28,000 payment would be retracted.

She said there aren’t any write-offs because the helicopter company is out-of-network despite being my son’s lifeline in between two in-network hospitals.

So I called the helicopter company back and asked about financial aid. She said they don’t offer any kind of assistance but if we could pay the bill in it’s entirety by 05/21/2012 they would drop it down to $31,400.

We could pay $5,000 now. They would write $5,000 off. And we would pay $590/month every month for the next four years with no interest.

It sounded like a car commercial. “$590 a month for the next 4 years at 0% interest” J & I have never made monthly payments on anything in our lives. No car payments, or house payments, or even a cable bill.

The more I talked with the helicopter company employee, the more emotional I got. Not because of the money, but because as we talked I found myself mentally re-living this moment.

I felt sick and exhausted and simultaneously so thankful. I apologized to the lady and politely hung up. It was all I could do not to rush in and wake my precious sleeping baby. To feel the warmth of his skin, see the light in his eyes, feel his breath on my face, and most importantly listen to his tiny beating heart. Instead I chose to stay on the couch and trust, trust that even though he wasn’t safe in my arms, in this moment, he is safely in the hands of the one who held him the night I couldn’t.

These days I’m practicing trust in silly practical ways like this. It’s been months since this day but even still it takes self-discipline to not count his breaths all day long, to not pinch his toenails and watch for circulation, to believe that in my heart of hearts I will know when something is really wrong. Some days when I’m not intentionally trusting, I find my emotions spiraling out of control. Before I know it I’m frantically calling cardiologists and pediatricians and every friend I have with any medical experience. And then it turns out he’s just teething or has the teeny tiny beginnings of a teeny tiny cold. I have to practice letting go. It doesn’t come naturally for me as a mom but I believe it’s one of the best gifts I can give my children. You know the saying, “Roots to grow and wings to fly.”

Besides no little mighty man wants a mom whose constantly freaking out about his safety. :)

And ultimately, my anxiety in this area very quickly turns into sin.

Back to the If and the How.

Over the next few days I became frustrated and even a little panicked thinking about HOW we would pay this debt. J & I HATE being in debt and throughout our lives have gone to great lengths to avoid it. (beans and rice, anyone?)

However this is totally different - our son’s life is worth infinitely more than $38,000,000,000,000,000.00.

By Friday, I realized a funny thing. Throughout the week, I never once worried about IF the debt would get paid. Somehow I had complete confidence that the One whose always provided before would always do so again. I decided that since I wasn’t freaking out about the IF there was also no point in stressing over the HOW.

And then I read this,

Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them. View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.

When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for me. Thus your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us. Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on me produces abundant living in My kingdom. Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.

-SY

Ouch. And Yay!

April in pictures

May 6, 2012

Uh-oh! I think this is becoming a habit. But first some random answers to recently (and frequently) asked questions:

1.the easter egg that said “I love momma” was made by my sweet husband and my daughter (not by me - although I do love my momma)
2.the surfer chic is not me, not now, not ever. Although at one time I did enjoy surfing, that picture is simply the template picture for blog posts on this program and only gets published when I forget to switch it out which, sadly, has been happening a lot lately - so sorry!
3.our blog will be moving to a new domain name soon - keep a lookout for more info about that in the very near future

Anyways, onto April in pictures...

In Asia, S used to sleep on my lap all the time. We traveled so often and there are no car seats (and usually no seat belts to strap them to even if we did have car seats although that’s on the top of our list when we start looking for a car to buy over there). I’ve missed it. The other day we were reading on the couch and she randomly fell asleep two hours before her normal nap time. It was like taking a special step back in time - love it!

Benaiah is so funny! He’s either very happy and smiley or very serious and intense! Look out, world! This kid is gonna be a game-changer!

S and I made laundry soap. For the last couple months, we’ve been trying different recipes. So far they’ve all worked pretty well and are significantly cheaper than regular detergent averaging about $0.02/load. Yay! and it’s super fun mother/daughter bonding time.

One of the single guys made us dairy-free chocolate chip cookies. We thoroughly enjoyed them!

We went for lots of walks.

We had lots of people over. S has a fun relationship with our neighbor across the street. She paints S’s toenails - it’s super cute!

J ran in a local 5k race and S loved cheering for him. “Go Baba!” she said over and over. J said he could even hear her from the other side of the track. We’ve noticed a funny thing with her language. Even though her English has improved significantly, she seems to revert to Asian when she’s excited or sad.